Change How You Feel by Changing How You Think - Building Resilience, Confidence and High Performance

Recruitment is an industry built around uncertainty. Deals fall through, candidates withdraw, clients change direction and even experienced recruiters encounter situations they cannot fully control.

While these setbacks are part of recruitment, the way individuals interpret them can have a significant impact on their confidence, motivation and subsequent performance.

In this TRN World session, Michelle Flynn, an experienced recruitment leader, performance coach and cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) practitioner, explored how changing established thinking patterns can help recruiters and business leaders respond more effectively to pressure, develop resilience and maintain performance.

The starting point is recognising that it is not always the setback itself that determines what happens next. Often, it is the thinking that follows.

Why recruitment setbacks can have a disproportionate impact

Recruitment involves working with people, making decisions under pressure and managing outcomes that are not always within an individual's control.

A candidate might withdraw immediately before starting. A client might appoint another agency after weeks of work. A deal that appeared secure might unexpectedly collapse.

These situations are frustrating, particularly when there are financial implications for the recruiter or the business.

However, the immediate reaction can sometimes create a second problem.

One unsuccessful placement can prompt an otherwise capable recruiter to question their ability. A difficult client conversation can undermine confidence in future business development activity. A disappointing month can make an individual forget years of successful performance.

When people experience pressure, their body's stress response can also make it harder to think clearly, assess situations objectively and make considered decisions.

The challenge is recognising when an understandable reaction to a difficult event has developed into a wider, unhelpful judgement about personal capability.

The relationship between thoughts, feelings and performance

A central principle of CBT is the connection between thoughts, emotions and behaviour.

When something happens, people interpret the event. That interpretation influences how they feel, which can then affect what they do.

In recruitment, this can create a cycle that either supports or undermines performance.

Consider a recruiter preparing to make business development calls.

If they begin by assuming nobody will answer, that prospects will not be interested or that the calls will achieve nothing, those thoughts may generate frustration or anxiety before the activity has even started.

The result might be procrastination, avoiding the calls altogether or approaching conversations without conviction.

This can reinforce the original belief that business development is unlikely to succeed.

The reverse is also possible.

A successful placement can improve confidence, increase motivation and encourage someone to pursue opportunities they previously considered too difficult.

The important point for recruitment leaders is that increasing activity is not always enough on its own.

How people think about that activity can influence whether they undertake it and how effectively they perform.

Recognising the thoughts that undermine confidence

Many of the thoughts that influence behaviour are automatic.

They appear immediately after an event, often before an individual has considered whether they are accurate.

A candidate dropout might trigger the belief that the recruiter should have anticipated the problem. A lost client opportunity might lead someone to conclude they are not good at business development. A request for a meeting with a manager might create anxiety about their future in the business.

These reactions can feel convincing because they are emotionally powerful.

However, a strong emotional response does not automatically make the thought accurate.

CBT introduces the idea of identifying 'hot thoughts' - interpretations that influence emotions but are not necessarily supported by the facts.

For example, losing a placement is a factual event. Concluding that the loss proves someone is incapable of succeeding in recruitment is an interpretation.

Separating the two creates an opportunity to respond differently.

A practical method for challenging unhelpful thinking

Developing greater resilience does not require pretending that setbacks are positive experiences.

It involves examining what has happened, questioning the assumptions attached to it and developing a more balanced understanding of the situation.

A practical CBT-based exercise can help.

1. Identify the situation

Start with a recent event that created frustration, anxiety or disappointment.

Describe exactly what happened, who was involved and the relevant circumstances.

Keep this factual.

For example, a client informed you that they had decided to appoint another recruitment agency.

Avoid adding conclusions about your competence or what the decision means for your future performance.

2. Recognise the emotional response

Consider how the situation made you feel.

You might have experienced embarrassment, anger, frustration, disappointment or anxiety.

Give each emotion a score out of ten to reflect its intensity, then select one to focus on.

This creates a starting point against which you can reassess your response.

3. Identify the automatic thought

Ask yourself what you were thinking when the emotion appeared.

Perhaps you believed you had wasted your time, that you should have anticipated the decision or that you were not capable of winning the business.

Write down the thought without immediately accepting it as true.

4. Examine the evidence

Now challenge the thought.

Start by identifying the evidence that supports it. There may be aspects of the situation that could have been handled differently.

Then consider the evidence that challenges it.

Have you secured similar clients before? Have you consistently achieved targets? Have you received positive feedback? Have you successfully managed comparable situations?

The objective is not to dismiss mistakes. It is to consider the complete picture rather than allowing one disappointing result to define your ability.

5. Develop a balanced alternative

Using the evidence, establish a more accurate interpretation.

A lost deal might indicate that something needs improving within the sales process. It does not necessarily mean that the recruiter lacks capability.

A balanced response could recognise that the opportunity was unsuccessful, acknowledge relevant areas for improvement and identify what can be done differently next time.

This is not about replacing negative thinking with forced positivity.

It is about developing a more realistic assessment that allows constructive action to follow.

6. Reassess how you feel

Return to the emotion identified earlier and rate its intensity again.

Has the frustration reduced? Does the situation feel more manageable? Are you better able to identify what to do next?

The exercise may not remove the disappointment entirely, but it can help prevent that disappointment from determining the rest of the working day.

Resilience comes from learning, not avoiding failure

Setbacks are an unavoidable part of recruitment.

Even highly experienced recruiters lose deals, encounter difficult candidates and experience periods when results do not reflect their efforts.

What matters is how they respond.

Early in her recruitment career, Michelle Flynn was the last of four colleagues who joined on the same day to secure her first placement.

At the time, the experience created doubts about her ability.

However, the difficulties she encountered provided opportunities to learn, develop her approach and gain experience that supported her subsequent success.

The lesson is that early struggles do not necessarily predict long-term performance.

For recruitment leaders, there is an important distinction between holding people accountable for results and encouraging them to interpret every unsuccessful outcome as a personal failure.

Mistakes can provide useful information. They become more valuable when people are prepared to examine what happened and apply what they have learned.

Why balanced thinking also supports stronger client relationships

A more considered response to setbacks can also influence how recruiters manage clients and candidates.

When performance pressure becomes overwhelming, there can be a temptation to push opportunities forward even when the circumstances are not right.

However, forcing a placement or encouraging a client to proceed with an unsuitable candidate can damage relationships.

Sometimes, the more commercially sensible decision is to acknowledge that a particular opportunity is not right.

Although this may mean losing a fee in the short term, it can help strengthen the trust on which longer-term client relationships depend.

This is particularly important in a recruitment market where AI and technology continue to influence how work is delivered.

The ability to exercise judgement, act as an adviser and maintain trust remains an important part of the recruiter's value.

Managing stress before making decisions

Challenging unhelpful thoughts is one part of building resilience. Managing the body's response to pressure is another.

Stress can affect concentration, emotional regulation and the ability to think rationally.

In recruitment, where difficult conversations and unexpected developments are common, recognising this response can be particularly useful.

One practical technique is controlled breathing.

The exercise uses a straightforward pattern:

• Breathe in through the nose for four counts.

• Hold the breath for four counts.

• Breathe out through the nose for six counts.

• Repeat for several rounds at a comfortable pace.

The purpose is to slow breathing and help create a calmer state before responding to a challenging situation.

This can be useful after a difficult call, during a stressful day or when someone feels too overwhelmed to think clearly.

Rather than immediately reacting, taking a brief period to regain composure can create space for a more considered decision.

The importance of understanding individual differences

Not everyone experiences thoughts or responds to pressure in the same way.

Some people have a strong internal dialogue. Others predominantly visualise situations or experience their thinking through feelings.

Similarly, individuals can become stuck at different points within the thoughts, feelings and actions cycle.

One recruiter may repeatedly overthink a problem. Another may struggle with anxiety or frustration. Someone else may understand the issue but find it difficult to take the next step.

For recruitment leaders, recognising these differences matters.

An approach that motivates one team member may be ineffective for another.

Public criticism, for example, may prompt some individuals to act, but for others it can undermine confidence and motivation.

Understanding where an individual is struggling can help leaders provide more appropriate support, whether that involves discussing their interpretation of a situation, helping them manage their emotional response or introducing greater accountability around actions.

Turning more constructive thinking into action

Changing established thinking patterns requires repetition.

An individual may successfully challenge a negative thought after one setback and still experience the same reaction the following week.

The aim is to make the process increasingly familiar.

When an unhelpful thought appears, the response becomes:

1. Recognise what you are telling yourself.

2. Question whether it is supported by the facts.

3. Develop a more balanced interpretation.

4. Allow the immediate stress response to settle.

5. Decide what constructive action to take.

That action might involve making another business development call, reviewing a recruitment process, speaking to a client or simply taking a short break before returning to work.

Accountability can also help bridge the gap between understanding what needs to change and following through.

Sharing a commitment with another person and agreeing to revisit it can make the intended action more tangible.

The emphasis should be on repeated practice rather than expecting one exercise to permanently change how someone thinks.

Sustainable performance starts beyond the workplace

Recruitment performance is also influenced by factors outside the working day.

Poor sleep, inconsistent routines, difficult personal circumstances and a lack of clarity about wider goals can all affect how people respond to pressure.

Someone may believe that work is the sole source of their stress, when other aspects of life are also contributing.

For ambitious recruitment professionals, this is an important consideration.

Sustained performance should not be viewed exclusively through billings, activity levels or short-term commercial results.

Maintaining personal wellbeing, recognising unhelpful habits and understanding the factors influencing emotional responses can contribute to a more sustainable approach to performance.

Building confidence through more accurate thinking

Confidence in recruitment does not mean believing that every deal will complete, every client will agree or every decision will produce the desired result.

It means recognising that disappointing outcomes do not automatically invalidate someone's wider experience or capability.

Resilience is not about avoiding frustration or pretending that setbacks do not matter.

It is about developing the ability to recognise unhelpful thinking, examine events objectively, learn from the experience and move forward.

For recruitment leaders, the opportunity is to apply these principles personally while creating working environments where individuals can respond constructively to pressure.

Improving performance may involve changing behaviours and increasing activity. But sometimes, the most useful starting point is understanding the thoughts that determine those behaviours in the first place.

Speaker: Michelle Flynn - Health and Performance Coach

For more information about Michelle Flynn, visit their Partner page here.